I surprised my wife with a new car and all I got for my birthday was this tacky blog post.

You know how you get those souvenirs that say “My friends went to Jamaica and all they got me was this stupid T-Shirt”? Well, it’s Honey’s birthday and four days ago he bought me a brand new car.  Yeah ha!  Exactly!! I had been thinking of the perfect birthday present for him, but thinking takes me such a loooong time and now I’m screwed.  Now, the day is upon me and all I’ve got is this crummy post which I previously thought (again with the thinking) was perfect until I measured it against my shiny new SUV.

Highlander: Front and rear controlled air-conditioning vents.

My posts: Sometimes so full of hot air they could steam clean your carpet.

Highlander: 4 disc changer with MP3/WMA playback and auxiliary audio jacks.

My posts: Random WTF? moments embedded haphazardly.  Does the sound of finger tapping as my point laboriously gets made count as music?  I say yes!

Highlander: Driver, front passenger, rear, side, knee and freaking everywhere facing airbags.  It’s airbags galore PLUS a rear sensor so I don’t accidentally hit a small building while backing out with this ginormous vehicle.

My posts:  No reader safety. No padding for the content that can only be described as  head on collisions in words.  The only warning on my posts should say “Don’t hurt yourself reading, but if you do it’s your own damn fault.”

There it is, FAIL.  I’m a lousy gift giver and I blame it all on my husband’s unrealistically high standards.  BUT! Because no one has yet to invent a power tool with a 100 watt subwoofer that can barbecue a perfect rib and hook a pole like a pro in fishnet stockings, I offer this heartfelt, albeit meager post as a gesture of love.

If you would be so inclined, please help me celebrate my awesome husband by leaving a comment, +1-ing this post, Digging it, Pinning it or liking it.  I’m sure he’d love it just as much as he loves me.

I leave you with this impossibly crazy, hopelessly stereotypical, outlandishly bold idea that may or may not save you from giving your husband the wrong gift on his birthday.

Happiest of birthdays to you, Honey.  Thank you for being blind to my flaws, which are too numerous to count.  Thank you for being MY best present every day of YOUR life. I heart you, dude! (and not just because you bought me a new car)  ~ Bon

P.S. You’re totally getting lucky tonight.