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Call Centers should really be called Cry Centers because by the time you get to the correct operator who can answer your questions, you’re slumped over your chair, nearly breathless, desperate for help and grasping at the receiver like it’s the holy grail.

Me, slumped over my chair, sweating on my face.  Okay, I was actually crying, but only because the elevator music on the phone finally stopped and they were tears of joy.

Operator: FederalStudentLoansmynameisGeorgiehowmayIassistyou?

Me:  Hi Georgie.  My name is Yvonne Pangelinan.  (Then because I know she’s totally gonna make me spell it) Y-V-O-N-N-E-P-A-N-G-E-L-I-N-A-N (SIGH).  I’m calling to find out about my Parent’s Plus Loan.

Georgie: I…

Me: I’ve been transferred three different times already.

Georgie: I…

Me: No, I don’t want the address to the website. Yes, I have been to the website and it works just fine, but I prefer to speak with a human.

Georgie: (Pausing, just in case) Sure thing, Yvonne.  I’d be happy to help you.  I just need your Social Security number.

Me: #-#-#-(wait) #-# (wait) #-#-#-# (SIGH).  Please God…please God…don’t transfer me.

Georgie: Thank you, Ms. Pangelinan. Can I get your maiden name, please?

Me: Reyes. R-E-Y-E-S.

Georgie: Hmmm…I’m not seeing that name.  How about the name you had before you were married?

Me: (I know what a maiden name is!) Yvonne REYES.

Georgie: Nope, ma’am. That’s not it, either.  Previous name?

Me: OH! Blas.  B-L-A-S.  That’s my mother’s maiden name.

Georgie: Noooo.  There’s another name on my screen here.

(What is this, Trivial Pursuit?)

Me: (Perplexed) Yvonne Pangelinan. Reyes?  Blas?  You sure that’s not it? (Those are like all the names I have – that the FBI know of)

Tap, tap, tap . . .

Sigh . . .

Hmmm….silence.

Grrrrr!

Me: (mushy face) Ohhhh, ummmm….PkehbwxqSorry, I totally blocked that out of my mind.

Georgie: Ha ha ha ha …that’s funny.  Yes ma’am, that’s it.

Me: Silence.  (This went from frustrating to ugh in 0-10 seconds)

Reminds of a pain scale I once saw here.

Hyperbole and a Half

Hyperbole and a Half

Georgie: You blocked it out of your mind, ha ha ha ha ha.  I totally relate, ha hahahah!

Me: Silence.  Really?

Georgie: Clears throat.  Ma’am (Clears throat again).  I’d be happy to give you that information now…….

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